T’is the season and I just want to say that I hope you are somewhere safe, cozy, warm and with someone you love. Whether that’s your spouse, child, furry family member, or anyone else- I just hope you are able to be there with each other this holiday season. Wherever you are, I hope you are having a wonderful holiday season, even given the difficult circumstances. 2021 can’t come soon enough. Here’s to a Merry Christmas and a Happy, HAPPY New Year.
I hope you are having an amazing day so far! I just wanted to check in and tell you how everything is going. Last time I wrote we were planting our winter garden, and I was discovering my inner Martha Stewart (like, a super low budget version) and starting to work on some Christmas crafts. Well, I did finish them, so here’s a couple of photos!
We’ve also begun harvesting some turnips from the garden, but the brussel sprouts and cabbages… haven’t really been doing much. We’ll probably end up with more garlic than we could ever use though. Next year my mother-in-law will be mostly retired, so we’ll have even more time to perfect our gardening.
Oh! I almost forgot: we’re thinking about moving! I genuinely love our house. I mean, we gutted the kitchen and the bathrooms, tore down two walls and put up another one, and built out a sunroom in the backyard. So, suffice it to say that we’ve done a lot to the place and we have thoroughly enjoyed all the renovations. Well, the results, anyways. The process is always messy. In any case, we’ve made our mark on our home and it will be sad to leave. But we really need a bigger place if we’re going to have another little one. No, I am not pregnant, we’re not even trying, but I will want an extra room (or even two) if we’re going to have more babies. I am already dreaming up how the new house will look! So excited, even though the move is probably not even going to happen until later next year.
The baby is growing up fast. She’s walking everywhere now. I am so so proud of her. She isn’t really talking much yet, but last week she said her second word “up.” (Her first word was “mama.”) It’s so cute because she has been saying it with an ‘h’ in front, like “Hup.” I thought for sure her next word would be “dog” or “daddy” or something else I am constantly repeating. I don’t really say ‘up’ that often. At least she’s found a useful word and didn’t learn penguin or stencil or something lol. Anyways, here are some pics of her because it’s my blog and I get to post whatever I want.
I also want to share some things with you about the pandemic, how I’m holding up, mental-health-wise, and how I’m doing with some of my goals.
So, with my weight loss: It’s stagnant- still at 165, so basically no news. I tried Noom and cancelled after a couple of months because it is basically just a calorie-counting app and I already have MyFitnessPal for that. The “Coaches” don’t really offer a lot of assistance (much of the time it sounds like they have a lot of pre-written responses) and there seems to be a lot of positivity in the group chat, which is great but it doesn’t really feel like people are being their authentic selves. Oh, and the group chats weren’t very active at all anyways. I actually felt bad because there was this one lady who would always respond to the prompts asked by the coaches and I almost never did and neither did anyone else, so it would always be just the one lady always replying to everything. I guess I just prefer the weight loss Facebook groups I belong to.
I had put the task of writing the book off for about two months. I was writing a ton, and then my computer started acting up, and life was happening (my baby was in some pivotal moments in her development and needed me more often), so I put off having my computer repaired (it is now), and I put off writing. I love to write. I miss it. I can’t wait to start back into getting my book out there. I am really over half-way through writing it. I was going to make a ton of YouTube tutorials to be published along-side it, but I am just going to work on writing the book and getting it out there because this is really important to me and even though I am scared- I am more passionate that every single person out there should have a blog than I am scared that someone won’t like my book.
There’s one more thing that’s been keeping me from writing at all. I haven’t written here. I haven’t been writing on my Lululemon blog, and I haven’t been writing my book. I love to write. It is my passion. But there is one thing that’s kept me away. And I just want to tell you: It’s Okay to not be Okay.
And I haven’t been okay. All the stress of the pandemic. The hypervigilance, worrying if I am going to catch the virus and give it to my in-laws, who are in a high-risk category; not being able to see my mom for over a year, not being able to visit my grandma in the hospital, not being able to visit any of my brothers or sisters or cousins; not being able to help great-grandpa celebrate his 100th birthday… Not to mention not being able to visit my friends. On top of all this, I spent time worrying about the emotional well-being of my daughter and her development without being able to be around other children….All these things weighed heavily on my heart and mind the last few months. So much so that I noticed changes in my mood. I became sad, and was more anxious more often.
I decided it was time to do something about it. I usually use exercise to help manage my anxiety, but I can’t go to the gym. I had been going for walks, but the weather is getting cold and I have a young baby who can’t tell me if she is uncomfortable or not, so I am reluctant to take her out. I did a couple of days ago, when the weather was pleasant, but when it dips below freezing, I get apprehensive about taking her out with me.
I have been using HeadSpace more often. I really like this app for meditating during the day, stretching at night, stress during the day, their anxiety course is good too.
I also decided to go back to therapy. I had stopped at the beginning of the pandemic due to fear and also because I was uncomfortable with online therapy services. I also stopped because I felt like I wanted to reflect on the progress we had already made. I was going once or sometimes twice a week and I really felt like we had made a lot of progress. Regardless, I thought it would be a good idea to go back to therapy to continue to work on myself and to understand why I have been more anxious and how to better manage my anxiety. I’ve been to a couple of sessions and am already feeling better.
Anyways, I know this was kind of a long post, but that was the point. I am back at it. Writing will always be there for me when I need it. Thanks for reading 🙂