Tag: My life right now

Hello Internet friends!

I’ve been gone a while. I was moving. I used to move all the time when I was younger, in college, all the time, and it never seemed to be such a big deal- even moving to the States, two thousand miles away didn’t seem like such a big deal logistically- the paperwork on the other hand was a headache and a half but never mind that for now… I just feel like I’ve had so much experience moving that it shouldn’t be such a big deal. But this time, when I even actually had movers helping me, and as much lead time as I needed, it was the most difficult move I’ve ever had.

Seeing everything in boxes never seemed so bad to me, and this time all they are is a reminder of everything that needs to get done. To be fair, there is more than ever. We have my stuff, the baby’s stuff, my husband’s stuff, the dog’s stuff- okay, she doesn’t have that much- and it just seems daunting to go ahead and unpack everything and put it away properly. The layout of this house is so completely different than our last home that, while there is plenty of space, it seems like there is no “place” for everything to be perfectly organized. Now, I know that this is just a cognitive error. Of course, in a house with much more (in fact, double) the square footage of my old house, surely there is a place for everything… I just haven’t made all the decisions as to what goes where yet and I think it’s all those decisions that are causing stress. So, meanwhile, there are boxes everywhere and I am trying to live an organized life in a complex disorganized house. It’s impossible. I just can’t wait until everything is unpacked and has a “home.” Then I can finally feel at home.

This place doesn’t feel like it’s mine. It’s too big. It’s too different. I’ve never had a garage before. First world problems, am i right? The toilet broke and flooded a bunch of the first floor. The irrigation system doesn’t appear to be functional. The contractor hasn’t installed the kitchen sink yet.

At least the baby is adjusting well. In daycare for the first time ever since Covid squashed those plans. Apparently she’s an angel. I’m excited for all the learning she is going to do! Every day they have activities and music and yoga(?) and they learn the letters of the alphabet. It’s great for her, I think. I don’t know how you get 18-month olds to do yoga, but it’s a wonderful tool to have for the future. There have been studies that show the benefits of yoga for kids. They send me pictures of her throughout the day, but never during yoga.. maybe I’ll ask for one.

Here’s a couple photos from daycare:

Speaking of Yoga: I bought a “Mirror” by Lululemon, so keep an eye out for a full review on my other website. Spoiler alert: I kind of love it, so far.

Let’s take a minute to chat mental health. I have to tell you, I’m not in the best place. I’m better than I was a month ago, as we were preparing to move, but I am still not “there” yet- wherever “There” is, but I’m not where I want to be. I have gone from therapy every two weeks to once a week, but I’m not sure how much it’s helping with my anxiety, So, I booked an appointment with a Psychiatrist group and I hope that having fresh eyes on my issues will help guide me to new treatments and solutions. We’ll see, I’m hopeful.

As far as anything else: I don’t have time for any new projects right now. I am working on getting unpacked and organized at home. The article about Lululemon’s Mirror is upcoming, and I have some video ideas, but nothing I have time to implement. … unfortunately. I miss the platform, but it takes me a while to produce anything.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far! I hope you have a wonderful day!

Hello Internet people!

Trying to have little relaxing Sunday after all the hubbub recently. I have been spending lots of time with baby, time around the house- trying to keep things clean & organized. A lot has happened since the last “Life Update” I published, a few months back.

First, I want to talk about the baby. Over 4 months old now & gorgeous, happy and healthy. She is such an easy baby. I am a very lucky mom. She sleeps through the night, every night from about 10pm to about 7:30am. I’m usually up just a few minutes before she is and she wakes up to my face smiling at her in her bassinet as she stretches and yawns to start her day. We change her, then she eats and plays and naps, and eats and plays and naps, and there’s usually a car ride in there somewhere, but that’s basically our day. She rarely spits up and enjoys being held by basically anyone.

Health-wise, physically, I’m doing great. Already a bit below my pre-pregnancy weight and going to the gym regularly. I gotta keep that up, because I find it really helps with my mental health. That said, I haven’t been 100% lately. In mid-December, I suffered a “mild” concussion that took 2 weeks to resolve. In that time I had headaches, chronic fatigue, brain fog, tinnitus, and major anxiety. I am very grateful to have had a lot of help from my family, but people need to work, so there was a lot of time where I had to be on my own.

I have been going to therapy 1-2 times a week to deal with my anxiety, but I told my therapist that even though we have made progress in other areas of my life, and indeed, perhaps touched on some of the deeper issues, we have not directly addressed the anxiety or how to stop it. She has suggested that I visit with someone else in her office, and is arranging an appointment for me in a couple of weeks so I may begin Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, one of the only treatments for anxiety that I’ve seen that doesn’t involve medication or something I’ve already tried like deep breathing, or redirection or distraction… Sometimes, those things work, and sometimes, they just don’t.

Another thing my therapist suggested is that I try to find time for myself, and to spend time with other people, outside my home. It’s probably a good idea. I currently spend almost all my time inside with my baby, because she needs me and I love watching her grow, but I also need to spend time outside, with friends. So, she gave me some “homework” to find a Mommy’s Day Out program, and to find some activities that my baby and I can do together in groups. I think it sounds like a lot of fun and I’m looking into these things and made a phone call earlier today. I think it may be a month or two before I really get set up on these things, since some of them have waiting lists, but I know it will be good for me in the long run. I’ll be honest though, the idea of leaving my baby with a childcare facility- even a really good one- is a little scary. I just need to get over that though. Otherwise, how will I feel when she starts school?

Something else happened, recently, and I would like to commemorate here and in my home. My dog, Rhonda, who I’ve known since I moved to Memphis, died last Sunday. She was the best dog. I had known her for 8 years, and she was almost 15 years old. I remember one time, my husband and I were having our annual Halloween party, and I had fallen asleep with a friend in my bed, and Rhonda was on the floor in front of the bed. Well, midnight came around and my friend’s boyfriend wanted to leave the party, so he came into the room to get her. Well, Rhonda, being the fabulous guard dog she was, started to growl at him, because she was protecting us. So, the boyfriend quietly left, and got my husband, so he could quell Rhonda’s protective nature, and allow him to get her. Rhonda was very kind and always wanted to sleep next to you. She was not a bed hog, and would move politely if asked to do so. She loved treats, her favorites being the largest solid bones sold at the store. She was great with kids and other pets- even cats. She could always be found near a doorway, grooming herself, and was not shy about licking you as you sat or laid on the couch. She also loved to “hold your hand,” and would always put her paw in your hand if you had it close to her at all. It was her thing. The last time I saw her, she still did it- even though, I imagine it may have pained her to lift her paw even, as she lay there. We got a paw print made, and are gonna keep it in a shadow box, in the hallway near the kitchen, where we keep other treasures.

I do also want to talk about some positive stuff going on in my life, like I said above: the weight loss journey is still being successful and I’m about half way to my goal! My baby is adorable and I am so in love with her! Plus, we did get new fish, a “breeding pair,” of clown fish and an anemone for them to play with. Some pretty cool stuff going on over here.

Anyways, there are a lot of things, emotionally, going on with me right now. And, I do want to share and talk about them. If you ever want to chat- hmu on Twitter or comment below 🙂

Hello Internet People!

FIRST: TLDR? Here is a YouTube video where I say most of this instead. Bonus: Fast Forward to 17:43 for a silly Motel Tour.

It has been quite a while. Too long, really, truly, too long. The last time I posted a video was the tail end of January, and I only blogged once since then on my other site: www.lululemonexpert.com. If you know me, you know that writing is my real passion. I love to write and express my feelings and opinions that way. It is my calling. I love to be creative, and YouTube has given me that outlet too. Being able to share and making videos is a lot of fun. – Except editing. Editing is the bane of my existence. lol.

Many of you know that I am pregnant (squeee!!)

and that the first two months were kinda rough. I spend nearly 20 hours a day in bed and slept most of them. I was awake long enough to eat, and felt nauseated nearly constantly. By the end of January, I was actually feeling quite a bit better, though not 100%, but well enough to pick my hobbies back up & get back to doing the things that I love. So, I made a video and I was planning to make another one on February 2nd. That’s when I got a message from my cousin telling me to contact my grandmother. I was really worried because my grandpa Ray is over 80 and has hypertension. The good news is that he is doing well, the bad news is that I found out my father had passed away. Devastated. He’s not perfect, but… He was a really good person. I wrote a little something on this blog about it, because writing helps me process my emotions and that helps me feel better. I was not doing well.

I spent that day on the couch, watching old movies my dad & I used to watch together like “The Princess Bride,” and my husband spent the entire day there with me as I sobbed uncontrollably. I spent the next two weeks in an emotional state that left me drained and withdrawn. I intentionally isolated myself. I didn’t want anyone to see my like that.

However, I had already planned to go visit family later that month- my plane ticket was booked months ago, so I flew back to Canada, and mourned with my grandparents over the loss of their son. It’s not right. No one should ever have to bury their child. I visited with old friends, some of whom I’ve known for decades, and they listened, even as I (unsuccessfully) held back tears as I discussed my father. I was crying because I miss him, and I was crying because I was so grateful to have friends like them. Looking into their eyes and seeing only understanding and patience made me feel very fortunate to have them in my life. Sorry to anyone at the Nordik that day for my out of place display of emotion in the common areas. I spent a lot of time with my great aunt, and my uncles too and we talked about my dad, they gave me a few momentos too. My step grandpa actually told me a funny story about how he met my dad. It was right after my dad lost part of his hand, and he was at a local watering hole. He and my step grandpa started hanging out & talking about what my dad was going through, meanwhile, neither of them knew that my step grandpa was actually waiting for my grandma to get there. So, he introduced my dad to my grandma when she arrived. It’s funny how small towns work like that.

During the last leg of my trip to Canada, I went to visit my mom & step dad. If you’re a follower of mine, you might have seen a couple of my videos about my childhood, and it might occur to you that things were not always perfect at home. While I was there, some things triggered my anxiety and reminded me of negative aspects of my childhood. When I was in my early 20’s, I had gone to therapy and I really thought that my therapist and I had worked through a lot of these issues, but some things triggered my anxiety and I realized that I’m not 100% over everything.

Meanwhile, my cat, Cleo, got mouth cancer. We were told that she would have a few months before the cancer would make it too painful for her to eat- even with the medication. But the cancer progressed extremely quickly, and less than a month later, she was no longer eating because she was in so much pain. She became lethargic and she was clearly emotionally distraught, as she was no longer able to clean or comfort herself. Watching her go through that was heartbreaking for us. We are grateful for the time we got to spend with her. Sometimes, I still expect to see her when I go to the kitchen, or when I’m at the grocery store I still think: Do I need to pick up cat food? She is missed.

In March, I had my next visit with the obstetrician. I was still not feeling 100% in terms of my levels of exhaustion and I was still napping a lot. I figured, well, I’m pregnant, and emotionally, I was not in the best place, so it didn’t seem that odd to me, to be tired. My doctor seemed surprised, so she ordered a few tests, and my vitamin D came back low. I was at 14 ng/mL, and what I need is a minimum of 20, 20-50 is considered normal. She told me to take a vitamin D supplement and the next time we measured my vitamin D, I was at 29 ng/mL.

The best part of visiting my obstetrician is hearing the baby’s heartbeat and seeing the ultrasound. Knowing my baby is healthy and growing strong is an absolute blessing and makes me so happy.

This time, I had lots of questions for my doctor, but one of them seemed especially important: would it be okay for me to go see a therapist to help process everything that’s happened in my life lately?

I was noticing that things that meant a lot to me, and things I enjoy like writing & YouTube seemed so far away and not fun anymore. I needed someone to help me process these things now, so I could get back to being me and doing the things that I love. My doctor encouraged me, and said that going to therapy is healthier to so sooner rather than later.

Like I said earlier, I had gone to therapy in my early twenties, ( – to anyone that went to college with me and had class Thursdays at 2: sorry, I had had therapy at at noon, so my eyes would have been red af and I would not have been in the best mood.-) Because I was going through all this stuff with my dad and my cat and having my anxiety triggered, I decided to go back to therapy, starting once a week again, like I used to.

I have three main goals for therapy:

• How to process what triggered me when I visited my parents
• How to properly grieve for my father in a healthy way and how to process that grief.
• Strategies for dealing with anxiety

So far, I do like my therapist, sometimes it takes a few visits to really develop a rapport, but I’ve seen her three times, and she and I are in the process of getting to know each other. Hopefully I can learn something from her and I can learn some things about myself.

Sometimes, when women become pregnant, we can forget that this is a time of great change for her. There is 50% more blood volume in her body, she needs enough nutrients and specific nutrients, such as Folate, to support the development of her unborn child. She may have new pains or emotional ups and downs. Her body is trying to accommodate everything, but there is not really enough room to do it, so her organs get squished together. My pregnancy has not been free from complications. This month, I started experiencing some random spikes in blood pressure. This is not uncommon during pregnancy and consistent high blood pressure caused by pregnancy is a serious condition that requires medical attention. I have not been diagnosed with gestational hypertension, but I was referred to a cardiologist when I was awoken several times during the night for a few days in a row with heart palpitations. These are also not uncommon during pregnancy, but certainly not nearly as serious a condition as hypertension.

So, I went to the cardiologist. I was “outfitted” with a cardiac monitor, which I was instructed to wear for a 24 hour period. I posted this pic to my Twitter and bragged about my “fancy necklace.” If I didn’t return it- there would be a $2000 charge! This monitor had 5 connection points, one you can see on my chest in the photo, plus 4 others. It measured every single heartbeat- and the data came back with nothing to worry about, just a few early beats, but nothing they plan to medicate me for. I’m also happy to report that my sleep has improved significantly and I’m no longer waking up during the night- except when my husband snores too loud!  

The only other complaints I have are the random round ligament pains and heartburn. I am proud of myself for continuing to take care of myself including nutritionally, and by keeping up at the gym. My doctor has let me know that as long as I am comfortable, I can continue working out, and I intend to do so until I become too rotund.

While I was experiencing all these things, some days were better than others, and I got a lot of support from my family. I am grateful for their continued support.

I am happy to report that I am feeling a lot better, both physically and emotionally these days and I have rediscovered my passion and motivation to write and film! So excited to continue to share with y’all!

THANK YOU for being here with me!

Lemme know what you think in the comments! If you’re a momma, tell me about your experience or opinions!